heh. i dont know. just a bunch of heart-breaking mother fucking bullshit now. im tired all the time. i cant sleep. i barely eat. well, should i just say fuck it? i am close to it now. just breaking down and committing to the end of it. but im not talking about death. im talking about my relationships with EVERYONE in my personal life.

shit is just happening over and over again. and some of it -is- my fucking fault, but hell, point it out, im sorry and i fucking fix it. sometimes i dream terrors all night, and suprisingly, killing myself is part of it.

i -dont- want to die. i dont think i ever truly will. but holy fucking hell if my husband is not driving me insane. his choices. his thoughts. his actions. im tired of it, and i can only react off of him. my bed is empty, because of him.

his family is driving me up the effin' wall. fucking wall. god damn, i don't know. i feel like i just want to hit the first person who looks at me wrong and give them a beating they probably don't deserve. im just saying fuckit.